Monday, August 10, 2009

Nie to the Nie

Ok, maybe reading the Nie Nie Dialogues is the most stereotypically mormon mom thing to do but I don't care.

Every time I am feeling sorry for myself for one trial or the other, sitting at my computer in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself for one thing or another, all I have to do is read her blog, any post will usually do. Immediately I feel guilty, inspired and incredibly moved all at once.

When I first started reading her blog, I would find myself driving down the road, thinking about how I really shouldn't have eaten all those cookies after lunch or how I am really sick of all the running around I have to do or do I really have to make dinner again tonight? Suddenly all I have to do is think: guess what? I have all my own skin, and all my hair and I can make dinner tonight. I can get in and out of bed without any help ( even if I'd rather never get out). I look in the mirror and even if my body is a couple of pounds heavier than I like (ok, more like 20) at least it's my body, and I have control over how it looks and how I feel.

The trials I have that seem so colossal to me are almost laughable compared to hers, and I'm sure so many others, that all I need to do is try a little perpesctive. My very worst day, can't even be compared to what she has been going through EVERY DAY. I can relate to what I believe her life was like before the accident. The ups and downs of being a mom with 4 small children, being married to a husband who you absolutely adore, trying to be the best person you can be and sometimes falling short. I can't help feeling like, why did she have to go through this and feeling horribly guilty that I am so relieved that I didn't.

Any time I relay the insights or epiphanies or laughs I get from reading her blog to my husband he says, "do you even know this person?" No, I don't know her. That is, I've never met her. But I do feel like I know her. I know her as well as anyone who has read all of her blog posts, past and present, and followed the lives of her sisters and children going on through life while she slept.

Every time I read of the simple mom things that moms do that she didn't get to do for so long its like a giant wake up call to do those things, all of them, and not try and pawn them off on my husband because I am sick of doing them every day. Reading books, working in the kids class rooms, T-ball games, family vacations, skip-bo games, walks in the sunshine, pinewood derby, birthday parties, even enduring the unbearable heat that never seems to end in Arizona. Sadly, I still hate making dinner, even if I am grateful that I can make it.

Stereotypical or not, I check her blog everyday and it's not always life altering but somedays it is just what I need to change my attitude and perspective. Now in the interest of time saving, I try to limit my blog surfing to family members and very close friends....and Nie Nie, who I have never met in my life. But it would be really cool if I did. Well, I guess I also read Seriously So Blessed, but that is a wake up call of a different kind.

Sorry no pics, I hate posts with no pics! Here is a super awesome picture of me and Dave at Prom.
Check out the sleeves on that dress. What. Was. I. Thinking?!?!

This post came out today. Case in point: My Perfect Life