Do you forgive me?

Friday was Trigg's birthday. He is 4. I actually had a little party for him. This is his new thing. He does something wrong, says he's sorry and says, "do you forgive me?" I don't know where he picked it up and of course I always say yes but sometimes it's harder than others.
I was washing the car with Trigg and his BFF, Addie and they were messing up my clean windows. The fastest way to have two almost-4-year-olds melt down? Tell them in your outdoor voice to "stop messing up my windows!" Then tell them you don't forgive them. It was a miss-communication, I promise!

Stop. Do NOT yell "stop crying!" Silently thank Rebecca for letting me keep her kids for two weeks, remember the talk in General Conference about how mothers are inherently nurturing. I tell them in my indoor, motherly nurturing voice (yes, I have one), its okay, I forgive them.

Today I was teaching him how to swim. As he is clamped around my neck in a death grip I tell him that I love him and I would never let him get hurt. He said, " that's why you always forgive me but not Addie when she messes up your windows?"

It was a miss-communication!

Four years with Trigg as my last, unplanned, surprise, caboose in our crazy family and yes, I finally forgive him. Some day, when he is much older, I will ask him to forgive me, for not being quite ready for 5 kids and selfishly thinking 4 would be much easier, and for sometimes thinking it still, well okay, a lot of the time.

He is our Triggalicious, Triggster, Triggsaster, Triggnacious, Triggers, Trigganator and whatever else we can tack on to his name. He is a bright, funny, surprising, wonderful boy (even if he looks like he should be in special ed., not that there's anything wrong with that!) I love his hugs, his kisses, the way he sings primary songs, the way he loves to play with his cousins, the way he chooses me over Dave, even when I want him to choose Dave, how he loves his "favorite tag," I love watching the older kids with him, the way they protect him. I hate that he is 4, I want my baby back. I wish I could rewind and do those 4 years over again starting with my cute tiny baby and enjoy those years all that much more knowing that I would never have them back. He is my special little buddy and I love him with all my heart. I am trying to enjoy him even more right now to make up for it. Sometimes it's harder than others...

I know that he was always supposed to be part of our family, it just took 4 years for me to realize it. I am a little slow.






*most of these fab photos are courtesy of Amy Kroff Photography. Check her out!