Do you forgive me?

Friday was Trigg's birthday. He is 4. I actually had a little party for him. This is his new thing. He does something wrong, says he's sorry and says, "do you forgive me?" I don't know where he picked it up and of course I always say yes but sometimes it's harder than others.
I was washing the car with Trigg and his BFF, Addie and they were messing up my clean windows. The fastest way to have two almost-4-year-olds melt down? Tell them in your outdoor voice to "stop messing up my windows!" Then tell them you don't forgive them. It was a miss-communication, I promise!

Stop. Do NOT yell "stop crying!" Silently thank Rebecca for letting me keep her kids for two weeks, remember the talk in General Conference about how mothers are inherently nurturing. I tell them in my indoor, motherly nurturing voice (yes, I have one), its okay, I forgive them.

Today I was teaching him how to swim. As he is clamped around my neck in a death grip I tell him that I love him and I would never let him get hurt. He said, " that's why you always forgive me but not Addie when she messes up your windows?"

It was a miss-communication!

Four years with Trigg as my last, unplanned, surprise, caboose in our crazy family and yes, I finally forgive him. Some day, when he is much older, I will ask him to forgive me, for not being quite ready for 5 kids and selfishly thinking 4 would be much easier, and for sometimes thinking it still, well okay, a lot of the time.

He is our Triggalicious, Triggster, Triggsaster, Triggnacious, Triggers, Trigganator and whatever else we can tack on to his name. He is a bright, funny, surprising, wonderful boy (even if he looks like he should be in special ed., not that there's anything wrong with that!) I love his hugs, his kisses, the way he sings primary songs, the way he loves to play with his cousins, the way he chooses me over Dave, even when I want him to choose Dave, how he loves his "favorite tag," I love watching the older kids with him, the way they protect him. I hate that he is 4, I want my baby back. I wish I could rewind and do those 4 years over again starting with my cute tiny baby and enjoy those years all that much more knowing that I would never have them back. He is my special little buddy and I love him with all my heart. I am trying to enjoy him even more right now to make up for it. Sometimes it's harder than others...

I know that he was always supposed to be part of our family, it just took 4 years for me to realize it. I am a little slow.






*most of these fab photos are courtesy of Amy Kroff Photography. Check her out!

Note to self...

(here is a picture of me and my sisters after a Jimmy Eat World concert, because I hate posts without pictures. Please note the euphoric smiles. yes I am sweaty and hot and red faced and I love every minute of it!)

Note to self: if your walking briskly on the canal by yourself at 7 in the morning and you do a spontaneous, adrenaline induced "dance"(picture Kevin Bacon in Footloose in that warehouse that is actually the Lehi Roller Mills in Utah, but way more spastic and uncoordinated and um...ME) to your favorite Jimmy Eat World song, thinking you are alone because no one is in front of you, beware that there might be someone that you can not hear because your headphones are on, BEHIND YOU......awkward? yea.

Kevin Bacon in Footloose: this is how I looked on the canal this morning, minus the smoking and drinking and you HAVE to watch this because if you picture me doing this, I promise you will LOL!

November Give away

As any of you who know me knows that my favorite necklace of all time was made by this creative genius. I know Angela not only from her one-of-a-kind handmade jewelry but also because she is the sister of one of my all time favorite people and across the street neighbor, Amy Kroff. Amy was wearing a necklace that was three strands, one of pearl, and one had charms attached with each of her kids names and one in the middle with herself and Paul's name. I immediately coveted this necklace and wanted it for my very own ( with my own kids names, of course, and minus Paul and Amy). What could be better than wearing a fashionable reminder of all the things most important to me? I inquired about the price and knew that it would not be mine any time soon. Not that it's not worth it, you get what you pay for. I kept seeing her necklace and I knew it would be the perfect one for me that I could wear EVERYDAY with a t-shirt or to church. I think it only took two years of hinting and a strategically placed suggestion from Amy to Dave that I finally got my necklace for my birthday, and I wear it EVERYDAY. Mostly.

It was a sad day when we moved from our favorite neighbors. We crammed alot into those three years. We were pregnant together, had beautiful baby boys together, played outside, vented, philosophized ( I use the term very loosely), cried, laughed (well, Amy snorted) and enjoyed every minute of it. I watched Amy's love and talent of photography grow into a flourishing business. So many great things about the Kroffs. I can honestly say there wasn't one second of those three years that I ever had any negative feelings for Amy and Paul for any reason.....at all. We loved every single second. Good neighbors are so hard to come by which is why we felt so blessed to live across from them for 3 great years! We love the Kroffs.

(Thank heavens it was BEFORE Paul became bishop, wink wink. He's still just Paul to us.)

*Pictures to come when my camera gets back

When did my mom become Elaine?

I was in the shower today and heard someone out of the bathroom door talking to me. Now I could tell right away that it wasn't my 3 year old, Trigg because he just barges in and says what ever he wants: fruit snacks, juice box, Dora, go to Addie's to play etc.

It was not Trigg but I did recognize the voice. I said, " What, is that you Sherry?" Thinking it might be my sister Sherry. The mystery person answered, "no, it's Elaine." What? When did my mom become Elaine to me? When did that happen? I purposely don't call my my mother in law (as much as I love her), I don't call her mom because that is not her name to me, my mom's name is mom. It would be like calling my husband "Frank" when his name is actually Dave, (or Mr. Mantastic.)

So as I finished my shower, I asked "Elaine" to wait 5 minutes until i got out, which she did. But for the rest of my shower (all 5 minutes of if it) I wondered why she identified herself as Elaine and not my mom. It was a ilittle distressing but now I am over it, kinda. I'm really not trying to make her feel bad, she is the best "Elaine" ever and always will be to me. But she is also the best mom ever and always will be to me. Even if she starts to call herself Elaine, I will always call her mom.
Hormonal today? Probably, probably every day. Love you Elaine.

Nie to the Nie

Ok, maybe reading the Nie Nie Dialogues is the most stereotypically mormon mom thing to do but I don't care.

Every time I am feeling sorry for myself for one trial or the other, sitting at my computer in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself for one thing or another, all I have to do is read her blog, any post will usually do. Immediately I feel guilty, inspired and incredibly moved all at once.

When I first started reading her blog, I would find myself driving down the road, thinking about how I really shouldn't have eaten all those cookies after lunch or how I am really sick of all the running around I have to do or do I really have to make dinner again tonight? Suddenly all I have to do is think: guess what? I have all my own skin, and all my hair and I can make dinner tonight. I can get in and out of bed without any help ( even if I'd rather never get out). I look in the mirror and even if my body is a couple of pounds heavier than I like (ok, more like 20) at least it's my body, and I have control over how it looks and how I feel.

The trials I have that seem so colossal to me are almost laughable compared to hers, and I'm sure so many others, that all I need to do is try a little perpesctive. My very worst day, can't even be compared to what she has been going through EVERY DAY. I can relate to what I believe her life was like before the accident. The ups and downs of being a mom with 4 small children, being married to a husband who you absolutely adore, trying to be the best person you can be and sometimes falling short. I can't help feeling like, why did she have to go through this and feeling horribly guilty that I am so relieved that I didn't.

Any time I relay the insights or epiphanies or laughs I get from reading her blog to my husband he says, "do you even know this person?" No, I don't know her. That is, I've never met her. But I do feel like I know her. I know her as well as anyone who has read all of her blog posts, past and present, and followed the lives of her sisters and children going on through life while she slept.

Every time I read of the simple mom things that moms do that she didn't get to do for so long its like a giant wake up call to do those things, all of them, and not try and pawn them off on my husband because I am sick of doing them every day. Reading books, working in the kids class rooms, T-ball games, family vacations, skip-bo games, walks in the sunshine, pinewood derby, birthday parties, even enduring the unbearable heat that never seems to end in Arizona. Sadly, I still hate making dinner, even if I am grateful that I can make it.

Stereotypical or not, I check her blog everyday and it's not always life altering but somedays it is just what I need to change my attitude and perspective. Now in the interest of time saving, I try to limit my blog surfing to family members and very close friends....and Nie Nie, who I have never met in my life. But it would be really cool if I did. Well, I guess I also read Seriously So Blessed, but that is a wake up call of a different kind.

Sorry no pics, I hate posts with no pics! Here is a super awesome picture of me and Dave at Prom.
Check out the sleeves on that dress. What. Was. I. Thinking?!?!

This post came out today. Case in point: My Perfect Life

Happy birthday Janee!

Sadly, this will be a short post. I am bad at capturing timeless moments on my camera. In fact, she's lucky I got any at all. She wanted cheesecakes which if you've ever tried to make my mom's recipe, you know it is tricky. So I left it to the expert and made Jannalee make them for me. I did make the crusts though. Boy were they delicious, thanks Jan. Unfortunately, Janee had a really bad case of strep throat so we had to save them for her. She also was lucky enough to have her birthday fall on Father's day which she thought was really cool. No pictures of that because I was STRICTLY forbidden to get ANYTHING for Dave. I did make a really nice dinner though if I do say so myself. I had to take care of Greg that day too since Bek was in Utah. That's ok though, he's one of my favorite dads too.




Some of her presents were tickets to see Wicked with her mom and Gramma, a Nintendo DS (secretly handed down from her brother) and some fun games. She also has a cute necklace waiting to be made by her aunt Rebecca. I gave her a pack of classic books that I think every little girl should have, Gramma Proffitt gave her the book Heidi and tapes with Gramma reading it to her. Gramma Dunyon gave her an adorable dress for church which she loves. She is getting harder to buy dresses for since I want to put her in ruffles and lace and she isn't really going for that anymore.

It's really sad. Anyway, my baby girl is 9 and I love her more and more each year. Selfishly, I am glad I only have one girl but if I could give her anything just for her, it would be a load of fabulous sisters just like my own. I don't know what I would do without them. Luckily, she has some pretty fabulous cousins which I hope will serve the same purpose. Love you Janes!

Guest Appearances at the Beach Houses

We had so much fun visiting with all the family that rotated through the beach houses. Mostly Beks but I got Mom and Callie sometimes.
Mama ginger came and stayed with a friend for a couple of days and then came to Beks house and made us all manner of boiled peanuts......delish!
After several days of coaxing and cajoling, we talked Cassie into braving a 12 hour car ride with a 3 month old and a 2yr old who apparently gets car sick after a while. Way to tuff it out Cass! You are die hard! I loved loved loved seein the girls!



Jannalee came with just Zanya and Samantha or as Trigg calls them "Zammy"

Clark and Margs and there cutest little family!






Sherry, Wendall and all of their kids. This one is my favorite. Love the little queenie!




We had my sister in law Sarah and Austin come on Memorial day with Dennis and Chris.
They also came to visit with Brooke, Aaron, Emma and Heidi but we have no pictures of that day, it was too cold!

Last but not least, we had Spencer and Zephyr come visit which was a personal treat to be able to let Trigg have so much fun playing in the waves with Zephyr. I enjoyed watching so much that I completely ignored my camera. I am trying to get pictures from Spence. So much fun having my brothers come!


Coming Soon: Strawberry Fields Forever!